A Lesson in Alaskan

A lot of people ask me what is different in Alaska -- aside from the outrageous cold. These were some of the first things that I noticed:

Late October, 1999

How to speak Alaskan:

ice cream = Crisco with berries mixed in. This is traditionally made with berries and whale blubber - Crisco is a lot easier to obtain if you live inland.

going outside = leaving Alaska

Lower 48 = all states excluding Hawaii and Alaska

going into town = flying into Anchorage

gussack = derogatory slag for white person. Derived from the Russian "Cossack."

"It's warm today." = it's above 67 degrees.

steak = unless specifically labeled "beef", it is reindeer or moose.

Real Alaskan = relative to whomever is in the room. Example: "Well, I've been here since 1987 and as a Real Alaskan I say-" "Sit down. I've been here since 1980 and as a Real Alaskan, I say....."

This week, I bought myself a Halloween pumpkin. As I sat down to carve it, the following conversation occurred between the two firemen presently living in my house:

Fireman #1: "Can I help you with that knife?"
Fireman #2: "She's from Texas."
Fireman #1: "Oh, sorry. Go ahead."

I'm not sure what this means.

It's snowing outside and this temperature has dropped to about -5 degrees at night. The river is frozen over but no one is driving on it yet. I was told no one drives on it until the day after the first car falls through the ice. Obviously, one moron must be the first. Hopefully, it won't be a cab in which I am riding.

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